ambition vs. actuality

When I looked ahead to our road trip this past weekend, I was very ambitious. The main goal was to spend time with Grandpa, but in the moments in between, I looked forward to spending lots of time writing. Writing in the car, writing in nature, writing in our hotel room in the morning and late at night, and maybe even finding a coffee shop somewhere, to sit and spend a few hours writing there. An hour into our drive, I remembered my ambitions, pulled out my journal to write, filling a few pages. But that was the last time I opened my journal until the morning after we got back. 

I grow so discouraged when I sit back and compare my ambition to actuality. It was not for lack of time, or lack of opportunity that I did not write more. There were a million reasons, but none of them are really good reasons at all. This is a regular pitfall for me creatively. I berate myself for my lack of willpower. I consider the time I have lost. I think back on what I could or should have done differently. I am harder on myself than anyone else could be, I think. And from this perspective, I move ahead in my creative journey from a place of negativity instead of positivity.

As I came back to my writing that next morning, I mostly felt discouraged. But I am trying to challenge myself to be more accepting and nurturing towards my creative actualities, not just my ambitions. There is a list of creative affirmations in Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way, which I have posted on my wall to remind me to be gentle with myself in my creative practice. Creative Affirmation #3 is: "As I create and listen, I will be led."

I may not have spent much time writing on my trip, but I spent a lot of time creating in other ways: dreaming and thinking and taking pictures, and discussing creative thoughts and ideas with Ryan. And maybe this trip was about listening, too? As I think about my trip, maybe I can choose to listen to all that I experienced. So much joy and inspiration came in other forms than pen and paper. Here are some of the moments that inspired me:

I am still filled with ambition to find more ways, more time, and more chances to write. I still aspire to be more disciplined, to better exercise my willpower and write SO MUCH MORE! But I am grateful for this lesson in listening. I have a chance to accept my actualities and practice my belief that they will lead me exactly where I am meant to be. "As I create and listen, I will be led."

Do you measure your ambition vs. actuality? Do you grow discouraged, like I do? How do you bounce back and stay motivated? 

road trip: northwest wisconsin

This past weekend, Ryan and I set out on a road trip to visit my Grandpa up in Northwest Wisconsin. He lives in a small town, and we enjoyed spending time with him and exploring that part of the country a little bit. Here are some snapshots of our time away!

On our drive up, we stopped at a restaurant in Wisconsin Dells called "The Cheese Factory." We found it on Yelp, and decided to give it a shot based on the high ratings from reviewers. When we got there, we realized it is a completely vegetarian restaurant! It is a total treat to be able to order anything off the menu and not think twice about whether or not we can eat it. The food was delicious and the staff was super nice! We will definitely be stopping there again next time. 

Once we met up with Grandpa, he took us to visit the beach where we always went swimming when I was small. So many memories!

That night, we visited Dairy Queen in the nearby "big" town, and I was surprised to find that the old 25-cent carousel is still there! I loved to ride it when I was small. (The delicious peanut buster parfait I treated myself to was also a bonus, hehe!)

The next morning, we met Grandpa at one of his favorite diners for breakfast! We all had matching breakfasts: two eggs, hash browns, and a pancake the size of a dinner plate. The diner's specialty is their blueberry syrup - yum!! Grandpa takes his eggs differently, but it turns out we take our coffee the same, which I kind of love! Cream AND sugar, please!

Here I am with Grandpa. He is a jokester, so he always makes me smile pretty big. (Do you see the little "Pippi Longstocking" keychain hanging on the cabinet behind us?! What a delightful coincidence: apparently it belonged to my Grandma and was an inside joke between her and some of the nurses who cared for her. It holds a special place for Grandpa now that Grandma has passed away, and it makes Pippi mean even more to me.)

Meet "Taco the Chihuahua," Grandpa's faithful best friend. He is absolutely darling and couldn't adore Grandpa more.

He was definitely not used to having his picture taken, hehe, he was not so good at sitting still! These are only a few of the photos I attempted...

On our way back, Ryan and I stopped for lunch at "Casa Mexicana." The entire restaurant is covered in these carved-wood scenes, painted bright, cheery colors! 

Ryan is the best road-trip-partner a girl could have - he drove the entire way and that gave me lots of time for daydreaming and soaking up the countryside. It was really wonderful to get to spend some time together and share some great conversations. I am so lucky to have such an amazing husband! 

Even short road trips can be really motivating to me: taking just a little bit of space and time away can help you come back to your 'normal' life ready for a fresh new start... Have you been on any good road trips lately??

a few simple words

Sometimes a few simple words come along right when you need them... I opened my mailbox to find this lovely card from our mom, Kim! I love the message and I believe in it wholeheartedly. She filled the card with lovely words as well and encouragement for me in my writing! Isn't she the best?? :)

No matter how much you might know something, it really does always help to hear it again and again!! And it reminds me to pass it on - that sometimes maybe others around me need to hear it again, too.

I hope you will let these words soak into your heart today and see what they might mean to you! And perhaps you will have a chance to 'pass it on' as well...


(card image by Curly Girl Design, website here!)